Wednesday, 14 June 2017

Sorry for being so rubbish - a letter to my friends and family


I'm sorry.

I've been a bit crap over the past six months or so.

I've missed birthdays (and not just any old birthdays, I've missed some big milestone birthdays too). I've neglected to send cards for the birth of babies. I haven't called to congratulate you on your wedding anniversaries.

I've not responded to texts. I haven't called you back. I've not replied to your Facebook messages or WhatsApp posts.

I have been a completely rubbish friend.

It's not because I don't think of you. It's not because I don't care. It's just, I've been a bit tired and overwhelmed over the past year or so.

The months and months of sleep deprivation have stolen who I am and left an exhausted shell. My self-confidence and self-belief have taken a bit of a battering. It's taken every ounce of energy I have to just manage the basics of preparing dinner each night, of making sure the children are wearing clean clothes and that they are dropped off and picked up from school on time. Everything else has fallen by the wayside.

But now that the summer is here, and the days are longer and brighter, I think I can feel my mood lifting.

My diary is a place of hope, with plans of socialising and getting back out in the real world rather than a source of dread of all the cards I haven't sent and things I have failed to do.

The sleep is still terrible, but I feel stronger and more able to deal with the fatigue. One day he will sleep through and I'll be back to the person you remember, full of life and energy.

So please forgive me for neglecting you all. I feel terrible. Give me a chance to get back in touch without it being awkward - it might be a while, my list of people I've failed to touch base with is extremely long. And please be patient and bear with me as I try and get back on to the rollercoaster of life. I'm sure I'll continue to have up days and down days. But I'm optimistic that the good days will soon outnumber the days where I'm down.

Life will no doubt continue to throw up challenges, but if I know you're still by my side, that you've still got my back, I'll be strong enough to deal with it all.

Thanks.
PoCoLo
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13 comments:

  1. Jaki17 June 2017 at 20:16

    Sorry to hear you have been having a bad time. I'm sure your friends will understand when they know the reasons why. Look after yourself #PoCoLo

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  2. Unknown17 June 2017 at 22:53

    This is a very honest post and those who love you will always be there, no matter what. I hope you keep following your path of feeling a little back towards your normal self X #PoCoLo

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    1. Seaside Belle24 June 2017 at 11:40

      Thanks. It's definitely one way of sorting the wheat from the chaff!

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  3. Jade TPJ22 June 2017 at 13:22

    Your good friends will stick with you whatever, I was the same when I first has my son, fell off the map...some friends were understanding some not, the ones that weren't didn't have kids and now they have they have been the same, so I wait and still send messages and support. Be kind to yourself, do what you can, I am glad you are feeling brighter xx #pocolo

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    1. Seaside Belle24 June 2017 at 11:41

      I definitely know what you mean about falling off the map. It can be hard to admit that you're not superwoman, but actually, if you explain what's going on, people are more likely to be understanding. Obvs - I was too scared to do it in person, so I've done it on the blog instead.

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  4. Morgan Prince22 June 2017 at 16:47

    I'm sorry you've had a tough time but any friends you have will stick by you no matter what. Even if it's been years they'll still be there. Look after yourself. :)
    Thanks for linking to #pocolo

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    1. Seaside Belle24 June 2017 at 11:41

      Thanks. They always say true friends can go for years without being in touch and then when you get together, it's just like no time has passed at all.

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  5. Stephanie 139a22 June 2017 at 19:18

    I agree with the other comments, good friends are there waiting for you, watching over you and ready to support you when you're ready. They're the best friends you can have, and will, I'm sure surprise you. You can do it, they can help, good luck and thank for sharing with #PoCoLo x

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    1. Seaside Belle24 June 2017 at 11:42

      And hopefully, I can do the same if they ever need it too.

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  6. smilymel13 August 2017 at 13:26

    Oi. You're still superwoman to me. I missed this post when you first wrote it (as I have also been a bit rubbish this last year or so!) I think you're awesome. I know I'm not nearby so can't do so very much to help, but if there is anything, please do just shout and I'll do what I can. Love you Jo.

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  7. Mum5 September 2017 at 23:37

    I've only just worked out how to get here! I know it's been a tough eighteen months, but I didn't realise how much you were beating yourself up about it. I think the summer has proved just how precious you are to your friends and to your family. Keep your pecker up and hold your head high. You're worth it!

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