Wednesday, 14 June 2017
Sorry for being so rubbish - a letter to my friends and family
I've been a bit crap over the past six months or so.
I've missed birthdays (and not just any old birthdays, I've missed some big milestone birthdays too). I've neglected to send cards for the birth of babies. I haven't called to congratulate you on your wedding anniversaries.
I've not responded to texts. I haven't called you back. I've not replied to your Facebook messages or WhatsApp posts.
I have been a completely rubbish friend.
It's not because I don't think of you. It's not because I don't care. It's just, I've been a bit tired and overwhelmed over the past year or so.
The months and months of sleep deprivation have stolen who I am and left an exhausted shell. My self-confidence and self-belief have taken a bit of a battering. It's taken every ounce of energy I have to just manage the basics of preparing dinner each night, of making sure the children are wearing clean clothes and that they are dropped off and picked up from school on time. Everything else has fallen by the wayside.
But now that the summer is here, and the days are longer and brighter, I think I can feel my mood lifting.
My diary is a place of hope, with plans of socialising and getting back out in the real world rather than a source of dread of all the cards I haven't sent and things I have failed to do.
The sleep is still terrible, but I feel stronger and more able to deal with the fatigue. One day he will sleep through and I'll be back to the person you remember, full of life and energy.
So please forgive me for neglecting you all. I feel terrible. Give me a chance to get back in touch without it being awkward - it might be a while, my list of people I've failed to touch base with is extremely long. And please be patient and bear with me as I try and get back on to the rollercoaster of life. I'm sure I'll continue to have up days and down days. But I'm optimistic that the good days will soon outnumber the days where I'm down.
Life will no doubt continue to throw up challenges, but if I know you're still by my side, that you've still got my back, I'll be strong enough to deal with it all.